Three people were baptized into the body of Christ this weekend at OVU. I knew two of them. It’s very encouraging to hear and it really makes my heart glad to know that God is moving in a place I’ve called home. I will rejoice in these new brothers.
On the other hand, my heart aches. My heart aches in knowing that great things are happening there and I’m not a part of it. My heart aches in knowing that so many people I love are growing closer and I am not. God is present on a campus when I am not there. Home became more home once I left.
Where is home anyway? I’ve thought that home was a place but not a physical place. Rather a place of emotional state because of the people and comfort and love. Now I’m realizing that it’s not the people but the Christ in the people. It is God that is home.
So for many reasons, it makes sense to me that when I leave a place that didn’t feel like home anymore, to come to my first home and find God again, that He now be at school when I’m gone. He’s showing me. Maybe I’ve learned my lesson. It’s not about me and what I can do. Or anyone else and what they can do. It’s about Him.
For this I have one word. Bittersweet. It’s hard to trust God in a time when I don’t see him working in my life. It’s hard to trust God when I’m at an in between and I’m giving it all up to him. It’s scary because I’m taking a step but I don’t know where I’m putting my foot yet. Right now might be bittersweet, but it’s all part of the symphony.
Sometimes you have to rest for a few measures in order to give the full effect. The music is beautiful and you always want to be a part of making that beautiful music, but it’s not always your time to play. Sometimes you have to sit and take in the melody while you wait to come in for the chorus. You didn’t write the song. You don’t know what’s going to happen. I have to trust the one who did write it, and know that my part is perfect just the way he wrote it, especially if I’ve never heard the song before.
It’s a bittersweet symphony. But something tells me that in the end, it will be more sweet than bitter.