I’ve fallen and I can’t get back up… Or so it seems

Just like you are right now is all, all that I need. Let’s start over. Don’t be afraid cause I won’t keep track. Let’s climb to the top. If you won’t look down, I won’t look back. 

Those words may be what gets me to sleep tonight. For months I’ve been lying to myself and they are truth echoing through the lies. 

I’ve been giving in to my desires and letting satan rule over my mind. He’s convinced me that I am paralyzed by my situation. He’s convinced me that I have control of my problems, I just can’t overcome them yet. These convictions have led me to believe that I’m not good enough to be with God yet. I’m not good enough to get closer. I’m not good enough to deserve the top.  

I’ve never really grasped the seriousness of sin. I’ve seen it in the lives of others. I’ve witnessed how sin can destroy families, including my own. I’ve seen it ruin people and relationships. Despite it all, for some reason I find myself continually numb or immune to the power of sin. That’s not to say I’ve never sinned, but more to say I’ve brushed off the consequences. I’ve taken advantage of grace.

That numbness has stolen from me the depth of God’s love. 

Tonight, I refuse to be numb. I refuse to listen to satan’s lies. The things I do hurt me. My sin outwardly effects me but inwardly effects others. It effects who I am and how I treat my relationships. I’ve mistreated Jesus. 

Tonight, I rebuke the lie that I have fallen and I can’t get back up. I take back control of my mind from satan and return it to Papa. I’m starting over. He’s not keeping track, He’s not looking back, and I’m not looking down.

God wants me just as I am. He wants me. Broken. Messed up. Covered in mud. He wants me.

And the good news is… He wants you too.

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