I’ve found myself in this place, and it’s by no mistake that I’m here so don’t misunderstand that statement, but I think it’s important for me to share it with whoever may read this because maybe you’re here too and you need to know you’re not alone or maybe you’ve been here and you can help me out but mostly just so you can pray for me.
In a conversation with a friend last week I told her that I am passionate about Jesus. This brought back in her mind a conversation that we had had previously when I told her that I don’t pray much these days. All of this to say her response was, “You’re passionate about Jesus, but you won’t talk to His father.” She’s puzzled by me, and I’m puzzled by myself.
I’m in a place where I feel as though I’ve given my life over to God. I am pursuing His will for my life and my heart is open to move in whatever direction that He sends me.
Sometimes what we feel, isn’t what’s actually happening.
I have given my life to God and He is absolutely blessing me beyond belief. He is opening doors and leading me to places I never would have guessed He would lead but I am beyond thankful. I am passionate about what God is doing and where I see He is leading me. It’s where He is leading me, not where I want to go. Not where my flesh wants me to go.
My life is in God hands, but I’ve kept my heart from Him. I’m mad that my plans aren’t His plans. I’m mad that my life isn’t going the way that I want it to, because for some selfish and completely ridiculous reason I think that my plan would somehow be better than His.
I’m standing in the doorway with one foot in and one foot out fighting with my Daddy trying to stay in my room instead of stepping outside, out of my comfort zone, out of my dreams and my desires. I know that if I step out I will see a beautiful world that has so much more to offer me than the comfort and warmth of my room, but I refuse. I’m being stubborn. I’m scared.
If you’re here, step with me, inch with me, lean out and look at the beautiful world Daddy is trying to give us. If you’ve been there, please give us encouragement and words of wisdom to get us through this time, to break through our stubbornness. If you’re reading this, pray for me. Pray for me to want Daddy with my whole heart. Pray for us to have the courage to fail. Pray.