Secret Lovers

For years I have searched for love. I have searched in many a places but the one that consumed me the most was in relationships, romantic but mostly platonic. At times that seems like such an innocent thing. What’s so wrong about searching for love from those around me? It’s actually a normal part of relationships I think. When you’re sharing life with people, talking about daily hardships, being vulnerable, exposing secrets, building trust, and things of the like, it makes sense that love would be part of the equation. When those around you, whom you love, are brothers and sisters, I think it’s only natural that you would find the love of Christ in them. Those who abide in Christ abide in love. I mean that’s half of what we are called to do, right? We love each other.

I’ve learned that it’s all about the heart. The posture of my heart was adjusted so that the only love I would accept from the Lord was that which came through my friends. I believed it was the only way the Lord could show himself to me. My tunnel vision caused me to see only one viable option. In this, a vicious cycle formed. My heart was aching for the love of my perfect Savior but my mind said He’s giving you his love through the ones you love. I sucked it dry. It didn’t end well.

And now for redemption… The other day the Lord walked through this with me. Being overwhelmed in His loving presence, I declared that nothing compares to Him. I asked that every other lover fade away, that my eyes be fixed on Him, and that He bring me deeper. To which He responded so greatly, opening my eyes to what had been before; relationships, for me, became another lover. I tried so hard to find His perfect love in those around me and, to an extent, I found it. What He revealed to me was that the love I was receiving from them was just a reflection. I was just seeing His face in the mirror, but soon He will show me His face. My friends were mirrors reflecting the glory of the Father to me but if I would just turn around I could see Him face to face. Wow.

He’s showing me what true love is. I can only get true and perfect love from God. Having experienced His love, no other lover will be enough, so why would I want to go anywhere else? When you realize you have access to a never ending ocean of grace and love, why would you swim in some kiddie pool?

There’s obviously many answers to that question, but for now, we’ll end there.

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